Thanks to the new age swapping apps, finding a date is not tricky anymore. However, to get the second date with the same person is not that easy. We always go for a date with an intrigued mindset with absolutely no idea what are we going to face. The same goes for your date. There is a sure possibility they either be delighted meeting you or be at complete dismay.
When your second date is just a right swipe away, it all rides on your first impressions. Initially not many think about it until they go through this charade of first date, never conceptualizing to the second date.
And then we wonder, WHAT WENT WRONG?
Well! The clear diagnosis of your problem is the bad dating habits that you never really realize.
So, what are bad dating habits?
Bad dating habits are the things you keep doing over and over, that make you attract the same kind of bad person or the things that never get you a second date.
Until you identify what those bad habits or patterns and fix them, there is no way out of this vicious circle. Life is all about ditching bad habits that pull us back. Whether it about quitting mindless binging to watch your weight or quit smoking.
How about similarly breaking your bad dating habits?
A lot of people have some extremely annoying dating habits. Not all do it on purpose. Just in case you have an upcoming date, let’s begin by identifying these patterns and try to fix them.
1. Don’t be a Bragging Bobby:
Bragging is a turn off whether its date or any other meeting. If you are someone who cannot stop talking about how much money you have, or the latest car you bought, then you can be a bit turn off. You may be quite proud of your achievements in life and you love talking about it. However, the first date is not the time for it. Your date is there to meet you and know more about you as a person. Don’t bore them with unnecessary information.
Solution: Talk about more interesting things in your life. Your hobbies, passion, and work are far more interesting topics than your bank balance. Dig deeper you will find no dearth of topics, talk anything from spirituality to your motivation in life, to a funny incident on your last trip. However, don’t forget to give them space to talk about their likes and dislikes
2. Leave your list at home
We all have a metaphorical checklist of the factors we expect in our date. It’s ok to have some determiners but don’t stick to your checklist like Bible. No human can live up to your expectation if you want them to be funny, attractive, courteous, soft-spoken, aka perfect partner. Looking for someone to check every little box is a bad habit. If you prepare for a date with unrealistic expectations, you will only find yourself upset and disappointed.
Solution: The checklist will kill your curiosity. Be curious about your date. Human beings and their minds are fascinating, study them. The ultimate goal of your date is to find out whether you like being around each other. Your checklist may take a back seat once you start concentrating on this fact.
3. Listen more, talk less
Listening is a skill that most people struggle with. Listening is not just about giving others’ an opportunity to talk, but to listen to them without judgement. Many people can’t contain themselves and are always ready to jump in without waiting for the date to complete their sentences.
It’s really off-putting behaviour. Listening to someone with an active mind is a guaranteed way to make people feel special.
On your next date listen well. Encourage your date to talk. Make some intelligent remarks in between but don’t interrupt mid-sentence. Also, refrain from making judgemental comments about what they are saying. You have no idea about their journey in life. Why do they feel the way they do. Be patient and let them open up.
4. Don’t plot the date:
Keep it simple! Don’t overthink your upcoming dates. Being anxious and having some butterflies in the stomach is appreciable. However, daydreaming about a perfect date would lead to only disappointments.
This becomes more relevant when it comes to online dating. Online dating sites provide you the chance to become familiar with each other before you go for an actual date. Imagining too much about your perfect date might whip the whole date into something so complicated than it should be. Even a single deviation from your actual date story will hamper your positivity on the date.
We can’t stress this enough. Go to date with an open mindset. If you are by nature an overthinker, try to divert your mind to other serious topics like world-peace and melting glaciers in the south pole.
5. Still playing hard to get
It’s a very outdated dating technique but sadly some people just don’t take a clue. It’s very tacky. You are just being a prick on purpose. While you want your date to impress you and win you, you don’t want yourself to look like an obnoxious person.
According to a study conducted by relationship experts in 2014 playing hard could only work when the other person is committed to you and has emotionally invested in you and relationship. So, this strategy is a childish idea to even being with.
Try to find a balance between ‘playing hard to get’ and ‘being all over on your date’ situation. Individuals who act more engaged and interested in their date, usually get the second date.
6. Being a creep
Stalking someone both online and in real life isn’t considered good. Don’t call them continuously after the date. Even if the date went well your overenthusiastic attitude might put them off.
Another aspect that some people find creepy is giving gifts on the first date. The gift indicates a desire for more seriousness in the relationship. Maybe your date is not ready for it.
Be subtle and patient in your moves. Your eagerness to make things work out only hampers your possibilities to get a second date with that person. Moreover, stalking only gives you a good shot at restraining order, not a relationship.
7. Please don’t overkill
Most of us think to go for a radical personality change before you go on a date, we are going to improve ourselves before we go into the date. These high expectations from ourselves only hamper our confidence when we fail to achieve them. There is fine balance between being polite and outright bending backwards.
Be courteous and confident. Compliment them but don’t flatter. Simply, be you.
If you have too many expectations from your date, it will never live up to your expectations. Always go for your dates with an open mind. Not all individuals are similar, period.
More than anything else remember that going for the date is all about Fun and Good Times. If you are relaxed and going more with the flow, you are more likely to have a Good time. So, don’t get yourself up all twisted about the unseen. That way there is more of a chance that you have your second date.